#BachelorMansion

Having not even had a single one-on-one date with Bachelor SA’s Lee Thompson, Jacqueline Ramos-Pinto clearly had something about her that kept her in the running for his heart, right down to Episode 10, the final four and those all-important family visits.

Could it have been her genuine, open, unwavering authenticity that she maintained throughout the show?

Unfortunately, I didn’t get the chance to chat with Jacquie, but I did send her some questions, and unsurprisingly got some blatantly honest responses …

What were your first impressions on arriving at mansion?

After what felt like an eternity between opening the limo door, meeting with Lee, and trying not to fall over as I made my way into the mansion, my first impression was “wow”. It was all beautiful: Lee, the mansion, the ladies, the artwork and again, Lee! It was undeniably the most surreal experience of my life. I’ve watched the Bachelor US for years and as a viewer you always wonder just how nervous the ladies must have been, you try to put yourself in those ladies heels, what would you do? How would you feel? It was the most exciting experience of my life.  And about getting out of that limo, jumping out of a plane was easier. I promise.

Did you go in with any type of strategy? If so, did you adapt that strategy at any point? Did you think you’d make a mistake at any point?

I went in there with only one strategy and that was to remain as authentic and true to myself as possible. I know that some of the ladies went in with there own strategies and there were times where I wish I could have been a little more graceful and “put together”, it’s hard when you’ve been so vulnerable, when you’ve allowed yourself to be seen, deeply seen. The criticism hurts when true and honest sides to you are being attached. But at the same time, the love and support means that much more when you realize that people have seen and loved you just as you are.

Why did you enter The Bachelor SA – being a beautiful, strong woman, putting yourself in direct competition with other gorgeous, independent women? Your friend Kiki put this to Lee (brilliantly) when he claimed that you were all unique (he said it more than once, and she jumped on him for that!) – but seriously, it does take a while for each of you to get the chance to show Lee that unique-ness.

You know, I never looked at it as a competition, all the ladies were so beautiful, accomplished and unique. I often compared it to attending an event/bar/club etc. Based on first impressions, there are just some people you’ll connect with from the get-go and it has nothing to do with anyone competing. I’m of the belief that what is for you will never pass you by, I would often remind myself of this while in the mansion. It was never really a competition, Lee was either for me, or he wasn’t. With regard to Kiki and Lee’s (brilliant) conversation, it was incredibly difficult to show Lee that unique-ness, I wanted to show Lee every side to me, we’re all so multi-faceted so it was difficult to do this at times, and often frustrating with the time constraints. I believe that I showed Lee my Jax-ness as best I could.

Does your self-confidence take a bit of a knock?

At times your self-confidence definitely does take a little bit of a knock. But one thing I realized while living with the ladies was that what one lady did not like about herself or felt self-conscious about, another lady admired. It taught me 2 things, that we all have our moments of self-doubt and insecurities and that sometimes the parts of ourselves that we feel are hard to love are in fact our most beautiful parts.

You told your dad the experience was life-changing. In what way?

The experience was one of which I will never forget. I often compared the experience as looking into a mirror, sometimes even into a magnifying glass. You’re faced with yourself through the journey, often with parts of yourself that make you uncomfortable or vulnerable. At times you feel insecure, jealous, scared and then at other times brave, unique, and strong. Facing and learning to love each facet of myself was truly the most tough, amazing and rewarding experience of my life to date. I came to realize how important it is to Self-love. I went on this journey to find love, I found it in more ways than one.

Did this experience change your perception in any way of what you’re looking for in a partner, or of how you see yourself interacting with the people in your life in future?

I think it really just reinforced in me the importance of being open and vulnerable. I put shame and fear aside throughout this journey, which is why I was so forthcoming with my inner workings throughout the show. It’s the fear and shame of being judged or not loved for all that we are that prevents us from forming true connections. I was vulnerable and emotionally honest throughout, and I’m proud of that. I’m definitely now (more than ever) looking for a partner that can recognize this vulnerability as a strength and that accept and love me for all that I am.

All of the ladies have chatted at length about the friendships that they’ve created with each other. In fact, this was spoken about more than anyone even spoke about Lee!! But as was pointed out – you all spent a lot more time together than you did with him!! Do you agree? Do you think you’re all going to remain close friends?

It’s strange, it’s not that you expect to form friendships with the ladies when entering into an environment that is focused on vying for the same man’s attention, but somehow you do. The production team cast such phenomenal women and from the get-go bonding with these ladies was inevitable. I think the fact that we were all so isolated from the outside world and were sharing an experience that no one else in the country had experienced really bonded us. I know that I’ve definitely made friends for life with some of the ladies, we were each other’s strength throughout this journey, and I know that I’ve definitely made some forever friends.

I hope to have some parting words from Michelle Reddy for you before this week’s penultimate episode of The Bachelor SA, so watch this space! Yes, that’s right, just 2 episodes left!

The Bachelor SA is screened on M-Net Channel 101 every Thursday evening at 19:00 and is also available on Catch-Up.

Fans can visit www.mnet.tv/thebachelorsa and follow all the breaking news and conversations around the show on Twitter @MNet  #TheBachelorSA and on the official M-Net Facebook page.

It’s so hard to believe that we’re 9 weeks into the journey with The Bachelor SA and that there are just 4 ladies left! This past week the tension was evident at that final, awkward cocktail party. Lee had shared a fun day out with everyone on a group date at Gold Reef City but early on in the day, people were already feeling the pressure, and feeling excluded. One on one time followed, first with Gina and then with Michelle R, who arrived back at the mansion with a rose!!

And talking about ‘excluded’ … let’s get to the social media reaction surrounding Lee inviting Jozaan AND Nontombi for a chat, and then proceeding to chat exclusively to Jozaan! Talk about causing a Twitter storm!!

You could have cut the tension with a knife. When that final rose ceremony began it felt like everyone was holding their breath. Lee himself needed a moment to compose himself before presenting that very last rose, and when he did, it was Jenna and Nontombi who were empty-handed. I chatted to the two of them last Friday.

I didn’t want to beat about the bush, so the very first thing I mentioned when I spoke to Nontombi, was to ask her how she’d felt about the whole incident and the audience reaction, general consensus being that she had been disrespected and that she should have walked out of that mansion immediately and not even have waited for the rose ceremony! Well, she didn’t do that, and in true Nontombi style, when she didn’t receive a rose, she said goodbye – when it was time – and walked out with her head held high, like the lady she is, and has been throughout the show!

Nontombi says that while she doesn’t really know what Lee was thinking by wanting to chat to her and Jozaan together, she thought that maybe he felt that as the two girls were so close, maybe they’d feel more comfortable – the atmosphere in the mansion was incredibly tense by then. Regarding audience reaction, she’s extremely relaxed about it, saying that people respond from their own personal perspectives – they see what they want to see – and this is a theme that prevails throughout my conversation with both her and Jenna: the fact that the audience doesn’t really get the entire picture, only parts of it, and that’s what they’re basing their opinions on.

Jenna tells me that from the minute she stepped out of the limo, the impression she got of Lee was that he made every one of the ladies feel like she was in a safe space. But walking into the mansion, she never expected that she was walking into a situation where she’d be meeting people who just a few weeks later she’d be absolutely heartbroken to leave!

She’d entered The Bachelor SA because having always been so focused on her career, she’d never made time for relationships. But she admits to being old-fashioned and quite early on had realised that maybe he wasn’t the right guy for her. However, being a determined and resolute soul, Jenna continued to reason with things and gave it a full chance. She’s most proud of the fact that she remained 100% true to her character and I’m sure everyone will agree that from start to finish she never diverted from being truly authentic.

Jenna acknowledged that on that last group date she knew that the whole situation just wasn’t right for her. She was emotional and teary and was feeling that enough was enough. In fact she says the entire series has been an emotional journey … however it’s taught her so much about herself and it’s been more positive than negative. She knows that Lee would have liked to see the fight in her, but it’s just not who she is, and as we’ve already said, she stayed true to herself. She also correctly points out that the right guy will love you for who you are and that we’re all different – that’s what makes us unique!

When it came to strategy, Nontombi laughingly (and repeatedly) tells me that maybe she should have watched at least one episode (or maybe a season) of one of the overseas versions of The Bachelor before going on the show! That’s right people, she’d never watched a single one. She didn’t know about home visits, didn’t know about the proposal at the end, which she philosophically says would mean that it would make sense that he’d need to meet your family and friends beforehand right?!

With regards to why she entered, she says it’s not entirely about the end goal: the man. One needs to bear in mind – and keep in mind – that the bachelor is not a prize, he’s a person! Being a part of the show doesn’t mean that Lee gets to sit back and have 24 women fight over him, which is often the perception, he’s also part of the process. Jenna describes how difficult it is for him to allocate time for each of the ladies at the cocktail parties, which leads to strain and friction amongst everyone – for example, he might have had a one on one date with one of them, but then inadvertently wouldn’t immediately greet her at the next cocktail party, greeting someone else first. This would lead to huge disappointment and anxiety.

Nontombi resolutely reminds us that what you see on TV might be reality TV but “it’s not real! It’s like commenting on social media … so easy, but if you wouldn’t say it in real life, don’t say it online!” While you’re on the show, if you wouldn’t do something in real life, don’t do it here either!

And is there anything they would have changed, or done differently? Well, Nontombi would have watched the show previously!! But then she thinks about it and says that she thinks that this may have changed her authenticity, so she’s actually happy she didn’t. Jenna too, says she wouldn’t change anything and adds (reflectively) that when you look back on aspects of your life you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself and you should be kind to the you that you were in whatever situation you were in.

Does being on The Bachelor SA change peoples’ perceptions of you … do your family and friends see you in a different light? Jenna tells me that her family and friends were immensely supportive and that that the feedback that’s made her the happiest is that they’ve told her how happy they were to see she came across exactly as she truly is!

Nontombi describes the experience as both overwhelming and refreshing. Due to her mom having a pre-existing health condition, she wasn’t able to tell her that she’d be on the show, which was difficult as she would have loved to be able to share the news with her. However, her other family members and friends were supportive.

We’re wrapping things up, and inevitably we get to discussing the bonds that have been formed with the other ladies in the mansion. It tell them that it’s funny that in all of my previous chats with the other participants, we talk more about this than we actually talk about Lee! He doesn’t seem to come up in conversation much! The truth is, they remind me, that everyone spends very little time with Lee, but a lot of time together, so it’s understandable that such strong friendships are created. Take that, together with the fact that you have no connection to your usual support networks, you’re bound to form strong ties in a short space of time.

It’s Jenna who tells me that it was certainly not her intention to go in and create friendships – in fact, if she had a strategy, she’d say that was it! The biggest and most unexpected shock for her was to absolutely love these girls and to make such close friends, and then have to leave them! “I never prepared my heart for that!”

And Nontombi pipes up: “Babe! They’re not dying!”

Banter like this only exists where true warmth and friendship live! I guess some things on reality TV are real after all!

The Bachelor SA is screened on M-Net Channel 101 every Thursday evening at 19:00 and is also available on Catch-Up. Fans can visit www.mnet.tv/thebachelorsa and follow all the breaking news and conversations around the show on Twitter @MNet  #TheBachelorSA and on the official M-Net Facebook page.

The Bachelor SA is produced by Rapid Blue and proudly sponsored by dotsure.co.za, a product of Oakhurst Insurance Company Limited (FSP 39925) and Oakhurst Life (FSP  44793), authorised financial services providers.

We’re 7 weeks in, and as Lee starts to form stronger relationships with each of the ladies, it’s bound to get more difficult to let each one go!

Each week sees fewer roses waiting to be distributed at the rose ceremony and this week it was Michelle D and Edith who didn’t receive roses and who had to bid farewell to the Bachelor mansion.

I chatted to both of them about their Bachelor SA experience, and I have to say, that their bubbly warmth was absolutely delightful. I could have talked to them for hours!

Who can forget Michelle stepping out of that limo and presenting Lee with … of all things … a cake?! She tells me how nerve-racking that was and how focussed she was on the red carpet, while silently repeating to herself “Don’t drop the cake!” Of course it was Lee himself who dropped it as soon as Michelle entered the mansion. She says she actually heard it, but thought “At least it wasn’t me that dropped it!” After rehearsing in her mind what she’d say to Lee when she first met him, she hadn’t actually reckoned on his response!! So when he did reply to her greeting she was a bit stunned and didn’t know what to say to him!

Similarly, Edith (who was one of the first ladies to meet Lee) says she also kept rehearsing in her head what she’d say to Lee when she met him for the first time. She remembers trying to just focus on how to walk and then suddenly he’s there in front of you! She says you’re so determined to look good and say all the right things, but when then when you meet him, you realise he’s just as nervous as you are!

Talking about all that pressure, with the spotlight being on you, and all those nerves, I asked if the girls, and even Lee himself, had any kind of preparation for this type of attention before participating in the show. They assured me that they did receive as much help as possible beforehand, and throughout. It’s not something you can enter into lightly, and you need to know (as much as is possible) what to expect and that there’s support available to get you through it, especially as you’re cut off from your usual support networks like your family and friends.

When it came to strategy Edith says that she wanted to have one but reminded herself that she’d function optimally if she was authentically herself.

For Michelle, her strategy was to be truthful to who she is. She went in telling herself not to hate, criticise or judge and this is what she pursued throughout. She endeavoured to get along with everyone and to always be respectful. As she explains it: “After all, we’re all dating the same guy!” She wouldn’t have done anything differently and says that she learnt a lot about herself along the way. She’s very clear about the fact that everyone has their own journey on the show, and most importantly, she made amazing friends.

Edith too has no regrets and wouldn’t change the way she did anything. She pauses though and then says that maybe she could have let go a little more.

Michelle did find it frustrating that she never got to go on a one-on-one date with Lee, but feels that they did reach a good understanding. This was definitely evident in her farewell to him, and one got the impression that the basis of a solid friendship was formed here.

And why did they even enter a show like this?

Edith explains that it wasn’t simply about Lee. “We’re also looking for someone out there,” she says. “This is just a different platform on which to do that.” She goes on to say that how you look isn’t a factor. You need to ask yourself what your ultimate goal is, and unless you put yourself out there and go for it, how do you know it’s not for you? “I could have done myself a great injustice if I hadn’t tried this. It’s a huge lesson, not to be so hard on yourself.”

Michelle’s response was completely different! To quote her directly: “I entered for shits and giggles!” She claims that she was constantly being asked the question ‘Why aren’t you married?’ At the time she entered she was 33, feeling overworked and wrung out by the continual hounding from everyone about her single status. One night, working late, the Bachelor SA ad popped up on her computer screen and she decided to fill in the entry form. She then screen-grabbed her entry and sent it to everyone – all her naysayers – telling them she’d taken matters into her own hands. And then she forgot about it … until she started getting through each round, and finally made it onto the actual show! She’d actually tried to enter the US Bachelor back in 2011 but was denied entry as she wasn’t a US citizen.

And what about life after The Bachelor SA? I wondered how Michelle and Edith’s perceptions may have changed about life, the universe and everything else?

According to Edith, the show definitely changes how you see yourself. She says that you’re made to feel so special, and you’re reminded that love really does exist. But she also says that you learn what people think of you and how you come across to others – she makes a passing reference to her ‘resting bitch face’!

She goes on the talk about how the show proves that we all deserve that someone who will go to extreme lengths to impress you, but at the same time it lends you a sense of empowerment in making someone want to do that for you. And most importantly, you learn to laugh at yourself.

Michelle describes the intense experience that the show is, and being that it is such a full-on experience, it absolutely has to change you on some level, which is a positive thing.

And once again the warmth and camaraderie that was created between all the ladies in the mansion was something that was spoken about with enormous enthusiasm. The time that they spent together and the bonds that were formed have been life-changing and immensely rewarding for all of them.

The Bachelor SA is screened on M-Net Channel 101 every Thursday evening at 19:00 and is also available on Catch-Up. Fans can visit www.mnet.tv/thebachelorsaand follow all the breaking news and conversations around the show on Twitter @MNet  #TheBachelorSA and on the official M-Net Facebook page.

The Bachelor SA is produced by Rapid Blue and proudly sponsored by dotsure.co.za, a product of Oakhurst Insurance Company Limited (FSP 39925) and Oakhurst Life (FSP  44793), authorised financial services providers.