We’re 7 weeks in, and as Lee starts to form stronger relationships with each of the ladies, it’s bound to get more difficult to let each one go!
Each week sees fewer roses waiting to be distributed at the rose ceremony and this week it was Michelle D and Edith who didn’t receive roses and who had to bid farewell to the Bachelor mansion.
I chatted to both of them about their Bachelor SA experience, and I have to say, that their bubbly warmth was absolutely delightful. I could have talked to them for hours!
Who can forget Michelle stepping out of that limo and presenting Lee with … of all things … a cake?! She tells me how nerve-racking that was and how focussed she was on the red carpet, while silently repeating to herself “Don’t drop the cake!” Of course it was Lee himself who dropped it as soon as Michelle entered the mansion. She says she actually heard it, but thought “At least it wasn’t me that dropped it!” After rehearsing in her mind what she’d say to Lee when she first met him, she hadn’t actually reckoned on his response!! So when he did reply to her greeting she was a bit stunned and didn’t know what to say to him!
Similarly, Edith (who was one of the first ladies to meet Lee) says she also kept rehearsing in her head what she’d say to Lee when she met him for the first time. She remembers trying to just focus on how to walk and then suddenly he’s there in front of you! She says you’re so determined to look good and say all the right things, but when then when you meet him, you realise he’s just as nervous as you are!
Talking about all that pressure, with the spotlight being on you, and all those nerves, I asked if the girls, and even Lee himself, had any kind of preparation for this type of attention before participating in the show. They assured me that they did receive as much help as possible beforehand, and throughout. It’s not something you can enter into lightly, and you need to know (as much as is possible) what to expect and that there’s support available to get you through it, especially as you’re cut off from your usual support networks like your family and friends.
When it came to strategy Edith says that she wanted to have one but reminded herself that she’d function optimally if she was authentically herself.
For Michelle, her strategy was to be truthful to who she is. She went in telling herself not to hate, criticise or judge and this is what she pursued throughout. She endeavoured to get along with everyone and to always be respectful. As she explains it: “After all, we’re all dating the same guy!” She wouldn’t have done anything differently and says that she learnt a lot about herself along the way. She’s very clear about the fact that everyone has their own journey on the show, and most importantly, she made amazing friends.
Edith too has no regrets and wouldn’t change the way she did anything. She pauses though and then says that maybe she could have let go a little more.
Michelle did find it frustrating that she never got to go on a one-on-one date with Lee, but feels that they did reach a good understanding. This was definitely evident in her farewell to him, and one got the impression that the basis of a solid friendship was formed here.
And why did they even enter a show like this?
Edith explains that it wasn’t simply about Lee. “We’re also looking for someone out there,” she says. “This is just a different platform on which to do that.” She goes on to say that how you look isn’t a factor. You need to ask yourself what your ultimate goal is, and unless you put yourself out there and go for it, how do you know it’s not for you? “I could have done myself a great injustice if I hadn’t tried this. It’s a huge lesson, not to be so hard on yourself.”
Michelle’s response was completely different! To quote her directly: “I entered for shits and giggles!” She claims that she was constantly being asked the question ‘Why aren’t you married?’ At the time she entered she was 33, feeling overworked and wrung out by the continual hounding from everyone about her single status. One night, working late, the Bachelor SA ad popped up on her computer screen and she decided to fill in the entry form. She then screen-grabbed her entry and sent it to everyone – all her naysayers – telling them she’d taken matters into her own hands. And then she forgot about it … until she started getting through each round, and finally made it onto the actual show! She’d actually tried to enter the US Bachelor back in 2011 but was denied entry as she wasn’t a US citizen.
And what about life after The Bachelor SA? I wondered how Michelle and Edith’s perceptions may have changed about life, the universe and everything else?
According to Edith, the show definitely changes how you see yourself. She says that you’re made to feel so special, and you’re reminded that love really does exist. But she also says that you learn what people think of you and how you come across to others – she makes a passing reference to her ‘resting bitch face’!
She goes on the talk about how the show proves that we all deserve that someone who will go to extreme lengths to impress you, but at the same time it lends you a sense of empowerment in making someone want to do that for you. And most importantly, you learn to laugh at yourself.
Michelle describes the intense experience that the show is, and being that it is such a full-on experience, it absolutely has to change you on some level, which is a positive thing.
And once again the warmth and camaraderie that was created between all the ladies in the mansion was something that was spoken about with enormous enthusiasm. The time that they spent together and the bonds that were formed have been life-changing and immensely rewarding for all of them.
The Bachelor SA is screened on M-Net Channel 101 every Thursday evening at 19:00 and is also available on Catch-Up. Fans can visit www.mnet.tv/thebachelorsaand follow all the breaking news and conversations around the show on Twitter @MNet #TheBachelorSA and on the official M-Net Facebook page.
The Bachelor SA is produced by Rapid Blue and proudly sponsored by dotsure.co.za, a product of Oakhurst Insurance Company Limited (FSP 39925) and Oakhurst Life (FSP 44793), authorised financial services providers.
Ndumiso Lindi and Tumi Morake have added three new cities to their ‘Married…But Not To Each Other’ Tour
“They’re in it together. Not Together-Together, But Together…”
Whilst travelling on one of their hilarious adventures, comedy’s modern traditionalist, Ndumiso Lindi together with comedy’s bad momma, Tumi Morake were asked by a customs official: “Are you married?” Ndumiso quickly replied: “Yes”, realised what he was saying and added: “But not to each other.” And thus began the comical journey for this wife and husband … of other people.
Now they’re taking their rib-cracking, side-splitting new stand-up show, ‘Married…But Not To Each Other’ across South Africa and into Africa. Following a successful debut show in Menlyn (Pretoria) and two sold-out shows in Cape Town, new dates have been added in Botswana, Krugersdorp and Nelspruit, in addition to their official launch show on April 14 at the Lyric Theatre, Gold Reef City in Johannesburg.
It’s a hilarious take on the roles and regulations of marriage and the pothole-laced roads the sexes have to navigate. It’s not just about marriage. It’s also about the world that these marriages have to survive in.
Ndumiso Lindi, the gentleman of South African comedy (otherwise known as Roosta), effortlessly blends new-age style with old-school traditions. His deep voice, soul-warming smile, booming laughter, original content and seamless delivery make for a comedy act that is outstanding and soulfully South African.
With a comedy career spanning over 11 years and numerous outstanding credentials under her belt, Tumi Morake continues to be a formidable force in the comedy industry. Her edgy and unpredictable brand of comedy has wowed audiences around the globe. When she’s not on stage, Tumi Morake can also be seen on TV screens hosting WTFTUMI and Point of Order as well as channelling her seemingly endless talents into writing, acting and producing.
3 March – Protea Hotel Fire & Ice (Menlyn)
9 March – Protea Hotel Fire & Ice (Cape Town) [SOLD OUT]
10 March – Protea Hotel Fire & Ice (Cape Town) [SOLD OUT]
14 April – Lyric Theatre, Gold Reef City (Johannesburg)
5 May – The Grand Palm Hotel (Gaborone, Botswana)
26 May – Silverstar Casino (Krugersdorp)
27 July – Emnotweni Casino (Nelspruit)
Tickets are available through Computicket (except for Botswana where tickets are available directly through the venue). Visit www.computicket.com or at a Computicket outlet near you. ‘Married…But Not To Each Other’ carries a PG16 age restriction.
Proudly brought to you by Blu Blood (www.blublood.com @BluBloodSA).
Connect on social media:
Facebook: TumiMorakeSA, NdumisoLindi or Twitter: @tumi_morake, @NdumisoLindi
Some people let a bump in the road break them down. Others take it in their stride. But the most successful people are those that deal with it and come out on top, having used that bump to give them a clear view of where they want to be when they continue on their journey.
Tracy Ziman Jacobs is that person, who discovered after her divorce in 2011 that no relationship is perfect. However, instead of allowing the divorce to derail her life, she used it for good, knowing that what she learned from her experience could help others. Meeting the positive, animated and bubbly person she is today, it’s hard to believe she was ever in any type of dark place, but directly after her unexpected divorce, a negative space was exactly where the person she is today had to emerge from.
No one gets married assuming it will end in divorce. Tracy certainly didn’t. “When I got married, I thought I’d never get divorced,” she says. “It came as a bit of a shock and after my divorce, I was cynical about marriage,” she admits. But she recognised the hope we as human beings attach to marriage. “It’s the romance that brings us together and after all, people are still getting married,” she muses. So, what’s the recipe for a loving relationship in which both partners are happy?
After soul searching and a lot of research, Tracy’s ethos is ardour (defined by the Oxford Dictionary as ‘great warmth of feeling; fervor; passion’ and ‘intense devotion, eagerness, or enthusiasm; zeal’: romance is key to the marriage-altering work she does with her clients. “I want to save marriages,” she explains, stating that it’s vital to look at what is lacking and return to the basic needs of the relationship. “Look at all those characteristics that drew you to your mate and created that chemistry,” says Tracy, who suggests it is possible to have an affair with your existing partner rather than look outside the marriage for the intimacy and fulfilment you crave. “What’s in an affair? Rather bring it back inside your marriage,” she states. She’s so right! Years into our marriages, when kids, work, and everyday stress takes over our lives, we’ve completely forgotten what first attracted us to our partners! And it seems a bit ridiculous to even think about it – but yet, so obvious.
Tracy’s undertaking to heal herself led her to want to heal others. Enter intimacy coaching: Tracy’s greatest passion. She qualified as an Intimacy Coach through Intimacy Coaching SA (ICSA) in 2016, but her drive to help others didn’t just start then – it goes way back, and is clearly inherent in her nature.
Her wealth of knowledge hasn’t come from life experience alone and is backed up by a BA in Social Sciences (1996, UNISA), as well as practical training with the Family Life Centre (FAMSA). This training led her to counsel both individuals and couples, as well as performGroup Therapy, Family Therapy, Trauma Counselling, Divorce Mediation, Pre-marriage Counselling and Employee Assistance Programmes. Once her training was complete, Tracy was hired by FAMSA as an Occupational Social Worker, enabling her to assist others further in their relationship and life journeys.
Professionalism is top of mind for Tracy. She treats every client with the utmost respect, and knows how important it is for them to feel at ease and nurtured during their sessions. The beautiful space she’s created to work in is inviting and nurturing. Her workshops promote a sense of enthusiasm and inspiration for both men and women, and they assist clients in realising that there are many others experiencing similar challenges, which ensures a community-type environment and a feeling of support.
Tracy’s determination to heal her clients’ relationships can only lead to good. Her end goal: to rekindle the passion in her clients’ love lives, helping them to “find each other”again. She acknowledges that hard work is key to ensuring this goal is met – by both her and her clients. And it’s something she doesn’t shy away from, knowing that with tenacity, her clients’ current intimacy levels can be increased exponentially.
Tracy works with marriages at any stage, with couples (both straight and gay), as well as single people in need of intimacy counselling. While Tracy’s work doesn’t simply focus on the notorious “seven-year itch”, it is a concept she’s very aware of in her practice and among the marriages she works on healing. “There are definitely seven year cycles (seven years, 14 years and so on) where things become a little staid,” she explains. Lesli Doares, a licenced marriage counsellor and family therapist, supports Tracy’s theory, saying that by seven years, a couple has usually had a child or two and children tend to change everything. “It is really the impact of children on the marriage that causes the underlying disconnect that leads to the ‘itch’ to get out,” says Lesli. “It is a combination of responsibility, lack of time for oneself, diminished intimacy and a sense of ‘is that all there is?’” (source: Women’s Health, October 2, 2015).
Speaking of which, as a mother herself, Tracy understands the delicate balance between parenting and marriage, and the challenges children can create once they are born. “Kids dictate what’s going to happen, they change everything and nobody prepares us for that,” says Tracy. “You’re this happy couple, everything is going well until the baby comes and then you see another side of each other that you haven’t seen before.” Then there are intimacy issues. “Many women get their physical needs met through bonding with their baby whereas men still want intimacy through sex,” she explains.
Feeling this type of disconnect? Whether you’re a parent or not, Tracy’s counselling work is about rekindling romance for a renewed intimate relationship. “You’ve just got to do it to understand it,” says Tracy of her sessions. “In other words, do the work and then you’ll understand it.” It’s nothing harmful – it’s about something that is positive, good and that will add value to your life, she explains. The benefits are numerous: “When you’re in synergy with the one you love, you are in a good space and you will find that you’ll sleep better, work better, have more patience with your children and be far more productive. Good sexual health is also great for creativity and for our bodies; it boosts circulation as well as oxytocin and serotonin. The bottom line is that connecting with your partner and being in a good space is wonderful for everyone all round.”
“Everyone” is a standout word in Tracy’s work: her sessions are for men and women in all stages of their lives. “Women feel validated and heard, and so do men,” she explains. “It’s incredible for me to see the ‘light’ come on when couples are shown a whole new way of connecting.”
I can vouch for the fact that Tracy is comfortable chatting about anything and will immediately put you at ease. Nothing is taboo with her, and she’s all about ensuring that her clients walk away in a positive, confident, comfortable space with themselves and their relationship.
Find out more about Tracy, her work and how to contact her, via her website: http://www.totallymetracy.co.za